Quick update

Funny, but it's been awhile since i've been on and I had to struggle to remember my password.

All is well I guess. Currently working on "leaning-up" and getting base miles in on the bike. Thinking about applying for Cardiac U/S school so that will slow me up for 9 months but it wouldn't start till October so my Lotoja race is safe.

Alright, enough written, gotta take baby steps back to bloghood...

I need a vacation...

Been awhile, I know. My heart just isn't in it lately, and i'm not quite sure why. I'm shutting down a bit and want to focus on other things in my life. I guess they call it "prioritizing"

Too many feelings and too many wonderings to make public. I'll be back someday after I get some kind of grasp on things.

Wish I could take my struggle to another locale but here is where my responsibilities are.

Bye for now...

Good words

I probably should read more (a rare event for me), i've come across a quote and a poem that I really enjoy.

The quote is from a speech by my favorite president Teddy Roosevelt. A portion is as follows...It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

The poem is titled: "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Christmas babbling

Lonely tonight in my apathy towards Christmas. Do I recognize the value in celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ? Of course I do, I could just do without the materialism. I'm just not into the stress of gift hunting. I consider myself a respectable giver by nature and I try to do so throughout the year, spontaneously though.

Not sure where this attitude comes from, upbringing maybe? Maybe learned through observation? I don't know. It feels like my birthday...just another day and I can't help it.

Can't write tonight, and i've been in a writing slump lately. I have hope in the future of a well-adjusted Jim though, a well-balanced Jim of old, full of motivation and self-discipline.

That's is my quest, my journey, my resolve. So, Merry Christmas, may we all find peace in our hearts and bliss in our lives is my yearning.

Just a good ride

No self-glorification here, I just wanted to share.

I went out for a very brief road bike ride yesterday and I think I learned something about karma, along with an affirmation about the joys of service. As I was heading out I found myself "minding somebody else's business". I saw a car with it's flashers on, sitting on the opposite side of the road just past Higley. I couldn't help it, even though I was making all the lights, pushing it like Cancellara, and in a flow, I felt I should try and assist.

As I rolled up to the car, the window was opening and an elderly woman greets me. She tells me "bless you, i've been here half an hour and you're the only person who's stopped and tried to help me". I was a bit stunned but not surprised, busy people, busy lives. "Me" attitudes seem to be everywhere.

Anyways, she said she had help coming and sent me away with a "thank you for being so kind". After the crappy day i'd had, I felt really, really good about my decision to pull over.

Lesson learned; when fighting the blues, counting blessings is nice but a random act of kindness is HUGE.

Also, later down the road I hit a rock that according to my vast cycling experience should have sliced my tire... it didn't. I don't know much about karma, but that incident seemed like the "good" kind.

A good ride...

There's something about a bike ride, the effort, the overcoming. I tell my friends occasionally "I've never regretted a single bike ride I've ever done" and I mean that. Even when I've crashed, or bonked or had multiple flats, I've gained something of value in that ride. It may be pushing my physical limits, embracing life a little bit more because I've come close to losing it, commiserating or having heart to heart chats with friends, it's all good.

This morning was no different, a little slower to nurse my knees, a little more stressful from being on-call, but still fulfilling. I was able to reflect on life and find a bit of clarity.

The brilliant rainbow I saw spanning the western sky this morning seemed nothing less than an affirmation of the beauty of this particularly humble ride.

Roadblocks, stumbling blocks, lemons, etc...

At what point can I consider myself washed-up? Alright, maybe that's a little harsh, but I am definitely in a slump. Haven't ridden or worked out in 2 weeks. And, along with one ailment after another, the feeding frenzies, and no motivation to alter that, i'd say i'm officially lost.

Okay, situation defined, now what? The downward spiral into old age and diapers? Or, learn from this experience, regroup, and get back on the horse.

Or maybe, just maybe, I can gather myself, dig deep and find that fire that dwindles more every year and begin again. Maybe, I can learn from this slump, that it's a place I never want to visit again and fight for my sense of well-being. (can you tell from my ranting that i'm in a struggle?)

RESOLVE, that is my new mantra. Resolve to begin anew. Resolve to stick with whatever paths I choose to live a better and more blissful life.

I like it... More later...